Tim's Tales: We must do more on mental health

I know much has been written about this and there are many campaigns with the message that “it’s OK to not be OK” and that it’s “good to talk”.

They are such important messages and it’s become part of our wellbeing culture, and rightly so. Various organisations exist to offer support and do lifesaving work.

But despite all this, one grim statistic is that there has been a four per cent increase in suicide in Scotland over the last year, every one of them a tragedy.

A significant majority are men.

Another statistic, highlighted by Fathers Network Scotland, is that the proportion of dads struggling with their mental health, but not seeking help, has more than doubled.

I’m a dad and, yes, I’m struggling.

But there is this inner voice that says I’m a writer, a storyteller, who knows all about mental health and the importance of talking.

I work in this field and I understand the power of metaphor in story that helps people work through and understand their challenges.

So deep down, I feel I’m the kind of person who should be invulnerable because I’m invested with the knowledge that it’s “OK to be not OK”.

Surely, I would be the first person to practise what I preach? But I don’t, which is why I know others don’t either.

The thing is, as a dad, I know my struggling is at least partly related to the struggles of my children.

The last year has been a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

But through it, I’ve come to understand something I suppose should have been obvious: that when you are a parent supporting your child with mental health problems, the hit on your own mental health can be massive.

But you don’t talk about it because you see your role as supporting your child. You need to be strong; you need to be there for your child. And you are.

You also need to function on a day-to-day basis while the threads that normally hold you together are unravelling.

Perhaps my experience has been unusual.

But based on that experience, I can say that our young people are being failed by a system that only provides support when a crisis has been reached.

The system seems designed to close the mental health door after the horse has bolted.

Money is part of it; or lack of it.

Mental health services need investment and long-term planning, neither of which seem to be in place.

But I don’t think that’s the whole story. I believe we need an overhaul of what mental health provision should look like and what it should be. Early intervention rather than crisis management should be the aim.

But in the meantime, to those parents who are holding the fort of their children’s mental health, who feel isolated and often overwhelmed, who have no time or emotional energy left at the end of the day, who want to do the best for their kids, and are doing just that, at a huge cost to themselves – please know that you are not alone and that if there is a failure, it is the failure of support systems that should be in place but aren’t.

There are good words in Scotland’s ‘mental health and wellbeing strategy plan’. But the reality doesn’t reflect them. CAMHS, for example, is full of wonderful people, but is simply unfit for purpose.

I’m not a politician and I know hard choices have to be made and resources are stretched to the limit.

We are in a cost-of-living crisis and many of us are feeling it, although some much more than others. In all this, our emotional wellbeing, our mental health, especially of our children, is paramount.

Through my own experience and that of my children, I have come to realise the vital importance of mental health provision for our young people and those care are for them.

There are inspirational examples of how things could be. There are so many good people who are doing their best.

It’s the system that needs reform. But that needs the voices of people who have lived experience of it, and for those voices to be heard and acted upon.

I’m up for being part of that.